What Can a Poor Boy Do?

My issue is this: all of you are crazy.

I was reading the platform of the Republican Party of Texas. There are planks I love:

The Government shall not, by rule or law, exempt any of its members from the provisions of such rule or law.

I love this. I don't just like it, I think it's the heart of any country ruled by laws. It's also not being done now, and really has to be. It's an outrage that it's not. In other words, the Texas Republican Party has put as a vital position in its foundation a notion that is dear to my heart.

Another is:

All language in any bill must be germane to the title of the act.

Not I think we ever will, but if are ever to gain control of our government again, this will be important.

And of course:

We support strengthening present restrictions on use of civil forfeiture laws and assessing penalties to reimburse injured parties for costs accrued if property is returned to its original owner.

I do actually agree that the government can't steal your property to put up strip malls. Unfortunately not everyone agrees.

We urge the Legislature to continue funding and operating all state-supported
living centers for the mentally disabled, increase training standards of state supported living centers employees, and ensure efficient funding and quality of service.

Good on ya, Texas Republicans!

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Then there are planks I just don't really understand:

We strongly oppose making the District of Columbia a state and adding unconstitutional voting Congressional members.

This is just a weird irrelevance in the universe. What could possibly be unconstitutional about adding a state and giving its citizens voting rights? And why give a crap about the idea that there may be another 800,000 Democrats who are allowed to vote. I guess it's an automatic addition of one electoral vote for Democrats, but it's just so not a bug deal.

We oppose any constitutional convention to rewrite the United States Constitution. We demand the Legislature rescind its 1977 call for such a convention. We call upon other states to rescind their votes for such a convention.

So the Texas Republicans are really still fighting the ERA?! I can't even begin to understand what the point here is.

We support the availability of natural, unprocessed foods, which should be encouraged, and that
the right to access raw milk directly from the farmer be protected.

The Republican Party of Texas supports the historic concept, established by our
nations’ founders, of limited civil government jurisdiction under the natural laws of God, and repudiates the humanistic doctrine that the state is sovereign over the affairs of men, the family and the church.

Whaaah?

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And then we have the crazy:

We support adoption of the Pledge Protection Act. We also demand that the National Motto “In God We Trust” and National Anthem be protected from legislative and judicial attack.

*sigh* They still aren't entirely clear on religious freedoms...

We support adoption of American English as the official language of Texas and of the United States.

Right... because the minute you throw a 'u' in the spelling of "color" you've got a situation on your hands.

Any form of desecration of the American Flag is an act of disregard for our nation and its people and penalties should be established for such.

Freedom of... what was that again?

We support the definition of marriage as a God–ordained, legal and moral commitment only between a natural man and a natural woman, which is the foundational unit of a healthy society, and we oppose the assault on marriage by judicial activists.

If they're going to demand that American English be the official language, is it an irony that they don't always adhere to it themselves? Also, they're officially scared of gay men kissing.

We believe in the sanctity of marriage and that the integrity of this institution should be protected at all levels of government. We urge the Legislature to rescind no–fault divorce laws. We support Covenant Marriage.

I don't know what Covenant Marriage is, but I guarantee it's not good to be a woman in such a union.

Homosexual behavior is contrary to the fundamental, unchanging truths that have been ordained by God, recognized by our country’s founders, and shared by the majority of Texans.

Throwing out the fact that they are explicitly appealing to God, a big no-no, when you find yourself appealing to "the majority" in the same document wherein you explicitly call for a return to a Republic over a Democracy is kind of funny.

We oppose the legalization of sodomy. We demand that Congress exercise its authority granted by the U.S. Constitution to withhold jurisdiction from the federal courts from cases involving sodomy.

Awesome. Texas Republicans demand that Congress do a bunch of thinking about who puts what in people's asses.

We urge the Texas legislature in its next biennial session to enact legislation requiring a sonogram be performed and offered as part of the consent process to each mother seeking an elective abortion.

They are also going to start requiring that every person who is thinking of littering has to watch an old, solemn native American shedding a single, poignant tear.

I will try to find a similar document for a Democratic counterpart and see how many crazy or strange things I can find. This was fun, if nothing else.